Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
