is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
