as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
