Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
