Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
