If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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