I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize