you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
