Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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