I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
