So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
