Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
