I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
