i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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