nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
