and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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