return my video game
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
