Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
