Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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