i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
