The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
