OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
