You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the day after is always just damage control
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
