So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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