Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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