dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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