I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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