I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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