Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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