Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
