i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
