Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
