He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
