You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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