so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
