I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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