if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Randomize
