if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
