I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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