Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
