Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
