i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
