glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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