I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
