it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
