Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
