i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh god was she eating orange peels again
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
