i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
