I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
