I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
