'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
