i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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