I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
