k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
