Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
