My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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