can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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