there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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