Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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