i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
