He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did i walk over a car last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
