My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ugly people sure do ruin things
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
