i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
